Ten ways to stay close to an elderly parent between visits

You visit when you can. The guilt about the gaps in between is almost universal, and mostly unfair on yourself. Closeness between visits isn't about hours; it's about touchpoints. Here are ten that work, most of them free.

1. The fixed-time call. Not "I'll ring you in the week" but "I'll ring you Tuesday at seven". The difference is enormous: a fixed call is something to look forward to; a vague one is something to doubt.

2. The sibling rota. If there's more than one of you, take set days each. Nobody carries it alone, and most days have someone in them. A shared note of "how they seemed" keeps everyone honest.

3. Post, gloriously old-fashioned post. A postcard from anywhere, including your own town, sits on the mantelpiece for weeks. Nothing digital does that.

4. Printed photos. Don't send the grandchildren by WhatsApp they can't open. Print ten photos and post them with names and dates on the back.

5. The five-minute voicemail rule. Can't manage a conversation today? A warm voicemail, "no need to ring back, just thinking of you", lands almost as well and takes ninety seconds.

6. A newspaper or magazine subscription. The local paper from where they grew up, a gardening weekly. It arrives without anyone having to remember, and it stocks them with things to tell you.

7. Recruit one neighbour. One friendly neighbour with your phone number is worth more than any gadget. Most people are glad to be asked; nobody wants to interfere uninvited.

8. Anchor their calendar. Church, the lunch club, the mobile library: help the fixed points in their week survive, with lifts arranged if needed. Age UK and local befriending groups can add one more, free.

9. Talk about their world, not their welfare. "Have you eaten?" is surveillance. "What's happening in the garden?" is conversation. You'll learn more from the second one anyway.

10. A daily companionship call. If the gaps between family calls are still too long, they are for most working families, a service can fill them. Ours, DailyChinwag, rings them as often as every day for a proper unhurried chat on the phone they already have, remembers what they tell it, and emails you how they sounded after every call. It's one option among several (Age UK's telephone friendship service is free and excellent); whatever you pick, honesty and their consent should be non-negotiable.

Pick two or three. The aim isn't a perfect system. It's that when they put the kettle on at four o'clock, they aren't wondering whether anyone will think of them today. They know.

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